


Adventures in Mexico City and Sorts

by AppleAndLettuce



Series: Adventures of Batfamily and Sorts [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bat Family, Humor, Multi, Random & Short, Tacos, Vacation, random spanish, sassy alfred, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-23
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-22 21:03:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13772517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleAndLettuce/pseuds/AppleAndLettuce
Summary: Snipits of the batfamily on a vacation in Mexico City.-"Please don't challenge the locals to a drinking contest. Honestly, a sorority girl could out drink you." Alfred directed towards Dick before he walked away. The camera shook, and zoomed into Alfred's sassy facial expression before Dick's wheezing was heard.-"Hey tapeworm!" Jason, who was laying on the hotel's bed next to Dick, yelled."What douchebag?" Tim walked into the room, looking at Jason."Pass the controller." Jason gestured towards the TV, whose controller was next to it.Tim sighed, but gave him the controller, "Your welcome.""Mmhmm." Jason replied, already flipping through the channels.





	Adventures in Mexico City and Sorts

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys Apple here! So I randomly thought that this would be a great idea, so I did it. Thank you Lettuce for looking over it, as with out you I would have made this fic even worse. I think I'm gonna write another one with Luke now in it. Not sure to where, but I now wanna write it. I think I'm gonna make this a thing. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and sorry for grammar errors!

**~ Adventures in Mexico City and Sorts ~**  
With the Family!   
"Ayyyyy with the family!" Dick exclaimed as they walked towards the private jet, with Jason, Bruce, and Diana to the right of him. Damian and Tim were to the left of him. He then showed the camera behind him where Barbara, Cassandra, and Stephanie were walking. In front of all of them was Alfred.

Mexico City!   
Dick was with Diana, in front of the Mexican flag, with Tim photobombing it in the corner.  


Just met a few of you   
Dick was in the middle, hugging a short brunette, to the left of Dick was Jason, who awkwardly stood next to another brunette. Next to her was a blonde female was hugging Tim, who stood still with confused look on his face. 

Already Jason started stuff with Tim   
The family was walking towards the hotel, looking around the area.  
”Hey Diana….” Dick asked as he aimed the camera towards her.  
“Mmm?” She looked at him, then towards the camera, and smiled.  
“What do you wanna do?” Dick asked her as they passed a restaurant.  
“Look around, watch trashy TV, eat, I’m not sure what else.” Diana told him as they crossed the street.  
“JASON I SWEAR TO GOD!” Tim yelled in the background, to which Dick and Diana immediately looked back. Tim was on the floor, as he fell along with is luggage.  
“Okay, I didn’t do anything.” Jason put both his hands up, with a shit eating grin. 

Brother Goals   
"Hey tapeworm!" Jason, who was laying on the hotel's bed next to Dick, yelled.  
"What douchebag?" Tim walked into the room, looking at Jason.  
"Pass the controller." Jason gestured towards the TV, whose controller was next to it.  
Tim sighed, but gave him the controller, "You’re welcome."  
"Mmhmm." Jason replied, already flipping through the channels.

My family doesn't love me Part 1   
"What up Jay?" Dick asked as he walked towards Jason, who was grabbing an elote from el elotero.  
"Fuck off." Jason replied as he gave el elotero 15 pesos. "Gracias."  
"Can I have a bite?" Dick asked, looking back at the camera.  
"Again, fuck off." Jason replied, looking at the camera and biting the elote.  
"Awwww, come on Jay!" Dick pleaded as Jason sighed and asked the elotero for another one.  
As Jason received the other elote, Dick got closer. "Ohhh thank you my knight and shining armour!"  
"What?" Jason asked as he moved the elote further from Dick.  
"Isn't that for me?" Dick asked.  
Jason snorted, "No. Diana gave me her bagel at breakfast. This is payback."

My family doesn't love me Part 2   
"Timbo! What are you up to?" Dick asked as he walked into the hotel.  
"Dick, no." Tim replied as he continued to type on his computer, giving Dick a single glance before giving his full attention to the laptop on his lap.  
"No what?" Dick asked as he walked towards the bed where Tim layed.  
"I'm busy." Tim replied, not looking up.  
Dick clicked his tongue, and left. 

My family doesn't love me Part 3   
"Little D! What-" Dick, who went out of the hotel to look for the youngest Wayne, got cut off by Jason speaking to Damian.  
"Are you gonna come or what?" Jason asked Damian in Arabic.  
"Tt." Damian replied, looking back at Dick, then at Jason. "Yeah, let’s go." He replied in Arabic.  
"Hey guys!" Dick stated cheerfully as they began to walk away.  
"Fuck off Goldie." Jason stated as they walked away.  
"Awww." Dick whined, looking back at the camera. 

My family doesn't love me Part 4   
"Aaaaaaand the girls left ages ago, so there is no one else to bother." Dick stated as he walked in the halls of the St. Regis, "So spa time!" 

I see u / My family doesn't love me Part 5   
Jason, Cassandra, Stephanie, and Damian were inside a local shop, eating ice cream.  
Dick was hiding in a bush, across the street.  
"Okay, I see how it is." Dick told the camera as he zoomed into the Jason's face. "Leave me out then." 

Dinner!   
-It was a photo of the whole family sitting at a rosewood table, in Biko. Diana and Alfred were talking to each other, as Jason and Tim were talking. Bruce was mid-drink of a glass of Veuve Clicquot Ponsardin. Damian was already eating, as well as Cassandra, Stephanie, and Barbra. 

What happens when you join the Wayne Fam   
"So Alfred is currently sneaking everyone out for drinks at Jules Basement," Dick updated the camera. "Say hi Alfred!"  
"To whom am I saying hello to?" Alfred asked as he walked to his side.  
"The world!" Dick replied.  
"I.E. Dick's stalkers." Jason explained as he lit a cigarette.  
"Well hello Master Dick's stalkers." Alfred smiled at the camera, and looked back at Jason. "Everytime you light a cigarette, remember that a small section of your lungs turns as black as your soul."  
"Yes, Alfred." Jason muttered.  
"So Alfred, what's Bruce up to?" Stephanie asked as she walked up to them.  
"Master Bruce and Master Diana are currently watching a reality tv show that features people who will be nobodies in a few years." Alfred commented.  
"What's our plan for the night?" Dick asked.  
"To show how light weighed all of you weaklings are." Alfred started with a smile.  
"Sh00kith." Jason looked at the camera as Dick zoomed in.  
The video ended with Dick laughing.

Look at us go!   
Cassandra, Jason, and Dick were dancing to Payaso De Rodeo by Caballo Dorado. 

"I am not fucking drunk." Of course Jason   
"Jason! Jay. Jay. Jaybird. Jay!" Dick yelled as Jason took another shot.  
"What?" Jason asked unsteadily.  
"Are you drunk? We got here half an hour ago!"  
"I am not fucking drunk." Jason stated, trying to stand as still as he could.  
"Can you tell the time?" Dick asked as he turned on his smart watch to show Jason.  
Jason pointed his index finger towards the watch. "I am not fucking drunk." 

The Adventures of a not at all drunk Jason   
"No Roy, I'm fine. I really am." Jason was talking to Roy on the phone, outside the bar. "No. No. No. Alfred is with us, don't worry love."  
"Ándale pues amor, te amo guey." Jason continued as he sat down at the chairs outside.(Alright love, I love you)  
As soon as he hung up, he looked back at Dick. "Where is Alfred?"  
"I don't know. I think he's with Babs."  
"Chingao." Jason muttered as he rubbed his eyes. (Fuck)  
"Why?"  
"I told Roy that I would be with Alfred from now on." Jason replied as Dick zoomed into Jason's worried face. 

The Adventures of a not at all drunk Jason part 2   
Dick was looking right at the camera, with his index finger to his lips, and approached the door to the bathroom.  
“Jason has been bathing for over an hour and I have no idea what the hell is going.” Dick whispered as he got closer to the bathroom.  
All of a sudden, Jason commented, “Damn I feel rich.”  
Dick then looked at the door strangely. 

The Adventures of a not at all drunk Jason part 3   
“We are leaving, our room,” Dick explained as Jason closed the door and entered the hallway. “Stephanie and Tim are in the room next to us, and were are about to pick them up.”  
“Ay yo!” Stephanie walked out as soon as they approached the next room.  
“Okay, who else is coming?” Dick asked as they closed the door.  
“Mmm..” Tim began thinking when Barbara and Damian came out from the hotel room across the hall.  
“Let’s goooooo.” Barbra and Damian left their room.  
“So it’s 1:15 in the morning, and we are going out to get tacos.” Dick explained as they went towards the lift. 

The Adventures of a not at all drunk Jason part 4   
“Jason!” Dick yelled as he walked towards Jason.  
“¿Que?” Jason looked back, but continued to walk.  
“How many more blocks?” Dick  
“Like three..” Jason replied, looking back.  
“Where are we even going?” Stephanie walked faster to catch up to Jason.  
“Taquería El Califa de León.” Jason walked faster. 

Can I get this? @Wally   
“I love youuuuuu.” Jason drunkenly stated to the phone.  
“Mmmmm, what time is it over there?”  
“Hmmm.”  
“.......Hey so I was thinking, you know that the FBI looks over us right? But like, who looks over them?” 

No capition was made   
“So what did you and Roy come to conclude?” Dick asked Jason.  
Everyone by that time was done with their tacos, and were talking.  
“So..” Jason took a drink of his horchata. “The FBI watches us, the CIA watches the FBI, MI6 watches the CIA, and the FBI and the CIA also watch over MI6.”  
“You also think that?” Tim quickly turned his head towards Jason.  
“I mean.. well yeah..”  
“Think about it though it just makes sense-” 

A very hungover breakfast   
-Jason was staring at his cereal, and next to him Barbra had her head laid on the table next to her orange juice. To the left of Jason was Stephanie, who was drinking a bloody mary. 

Back to reality   
Dick was walking into Stephanie’s hotel room, where the lights were turned on. Immediately once he entered, snoring was heard.  
"It is 4 in the afternoon, and Timbo Drake-Wayne has passed out." Dick stated as he walked over to Tim's bed.  
"Goals people, goals." Dick zoomed into Tim's face, as he was drooling. 

This is why Bruce doesn’t invite us to go anywhere.   
“So we thought that it would be a great idea to go to Pabellon Polanco, as we are very close by, but it’s actually quite embarrassing to go with everyone,” Dick explained as he walked around the mall with everyone, “I mean, there is like ten of us, so we look weird.”  
“And how is this different from Gotham though?” Tim asked.  
“In Gotham they know who we are, so they are less judgemental, and they know that we can afford what we are looking at.”  
“Plus not all of us go inside at the same.” Jason commented.  
“Truuuu.” 

Casually buys out the whole store.   
The whole family came out with at least two bags from Prada in their hands, Bruce with four.  
“Thank you very much, and I hope you come back soon!” A cashier told Dick as he picked up his third bag.  
“Let’s go Goldie! Diana wants to look at the store across from here.” Jason pressed Dick as the rest of the family was already walking away.  
“Hold up, jesus.” Dick looked at the camera, shaking his head. 

Bruce is my mood 24/7   
Bruce was on his phone, on the corner of the white steps to the Soumaya museum, while the rest of the family was the other side of the stairs talking amongst themselves.

No Capiton was made   
“What day is it?” Tim asked Stephanie as they walked away from the art museum.  
“Tuesday, August 17th.” Stephanie explained.  
“Fuck.”  
“What?”  
“I thought it was Sunday.”  
“... Why?”  
“I’m not sure.” Tim explained, “I mean I could smell colours yesterday, so I swore it was Monday.”  
Slowly the video was zooming into Tim’s face. 

Lunchhhhhhhh   
They were in Vips. Alfred was stirring his tea, smiling at the camera. To the left of him, Damian and Jason were talking. To the right of Alfred, Cassandra and Diana were eating a Quesadilla. 

We made some friends!   
Dick was in the middle, to his side was Jason, and behind both of them were red headed twins. 

Continued   
"So tell us." Dick began as he sipped his drink. "What is your lovely name?"  
"Ivan." The twin gave the camera a bright smile.  
"Well Ivan, say hi to my followers!" Dick began.  
"Hello!" Ivan greeted with an accent.  
"And what would your name be?" Dick moved the camera towards Jason, who was talking to the other twin. He stopped the camera in front of the other twin.  
"Favio." The twin stated, looking back at Jason.  
"Say hi to my followers Favio!" Dick stated as Jason rolled his eyes.  
"Hola!" Favio smiled.  
“¿Y de donde son?” Jason asked the twins. (Where are you guys from?)  
“De Durango guey!” Ivan replied enthusiastically. (From Durango dude)  
“AYYY, donde en Durango?” Jason replied. (Ay, where in Durango?)  
“Villa Union!” Favio replied.  
“AYYYYYYY!” Jason replied enthusiastically.  
“AYYYYYY.” The twins replied. 

A little dinner before the nocturnal life begins   
Jason was sitting next to Favio, who sat next to Ivan, who sat next to Dick. On the other side of Dick was Tim and Barbra, who were already digging into the food. 

I am now incharge of Dick's phoneeeee -Tim   
It was a black photo with just the caption. 

L00k @ th3m go   
Jason and Favio were dancing to El Tao Tao, and in the corner of the screen Dick and Ivan were shown having a drink. 

@Wally  & @Roy, Gutierrez Twins stole yo men   
Ivan was dancing with Dick as Favio danced with Jason to Un sueño by Los Ángeles Azules. 

Oh nevermind   
“So umm... basically Jason is on the phone right now, and I think Dick is too. So now I'm with the twins!" Tim updated Dick's audience, and looked back at the two redheads "¿Como andan? ¿Andan cansados ya?" (How are you? Are you guys tired?)  
"¡No que, ya no mas estamos esperando tus hermanos!" Ivan stated, looking back at his twin. (No, we are just waiting on your brothers)  
"Entonces van a esperar un rato." Tim explained to them. (Then you're gonna wait for a while)  
"¿Porque?" (Why?)  
"Primero porque el novio de Jason es muy posesivo, entonces ojalá que lo deje que baile otra vez." Tim explained Jason's situation. (First because Jason's boyfriend is very possessive, so hopefully he even lets Jason dance again.)  
"Segundo porque el novio de Dick es muy celoso mas que nada. Yo se que va hacer más fácil para que Dick regrese." (Second because Dick's boyfriend is someone who gets jealous more than anything. I know it will be easier for Dick to return though.) 

Adventures of a drunk dick   
Dick was sitting next to Alfred and Cassandra, who were nursing waters. To the other side of him was Jason, who trying to sober up.  
“I mean, this bar could be haunted.” Dick commented.  
“Really? I mean how can you prove it?” Jason asked sarcastically.  
Dick gasped, “If there is a ghost in here, make me cough.”  
Jason rolled his eyes and drank the water given to him.  
Dick forced himself to cough, and his gasped again, almost jumping out of his seat, “HOLY SHIII-” 

Back to the hotel   
“Jason is carrying Dick over to their room, and Stephanie and Barbra stayed at the bar, so now I’m walking with Alfred.” Tim stated as he showed him and Alfred, and then flipped the camera over to where Dick was leaning on Jason. 

Are we actually gonna have a family day??????????   
It was a family photo of them outside of the hotel.

ayyyyyyyy   
It was a photo of the Wayne Enterprises building

Reason #1196 why Diana is dank   
"So we were at The Movie Company, and we were gonna watch Μπρούσκο, and Diana immediately realised that they mistranslated the fricken title, and she told them, and they were so thankful that we got free snacks!" Dick explained.

Alfred is the best buttler to have ever buttlered   
"Alrighty! Let's go Jason! So Alejandro challenged us to shots, and I think it would be fun!" Dick explained to the camera as they stood up from the Wayne Family table.  
"Please don't challenge the locals to a drinking contest. Honestly, a sorority girl could out-drink you." Alfred directed towards Dick before he walked away. The camera shook, and zoomed into Alfred's sassy facial expression before Dick's wheezing was heard. 

You go Jason   
Jason as dancing with Diana to “El Americano” as he sung along with the group of men in the corner of the camera.  
“Jason!” Dick shouted as he tried to get the other’s attention.  
“Varias libras y un avión robado cuando me agarraron, la libre y me pelé por un rato.” Jason looked straight at the camera.  
“He’s drunk as fuck.” Tim commented as Jason went back to dancing with Diana, who was laughing the whole time.  
“AYYYYY!” Jason yelled. “Se me fue una persona importante no voy a olvidarla, SIKE, no tuvo esperanza-”  
Dick eventually cut off the camera to Jason’s drunken singing. 

Final lunch in Mexico City!   
"So Diana, what do you think about the last meal here?" Dick asked.  
"I mean, I love the food, but I hate to see us leave soon." She replied mid chew.  
"Jay? What about you?" He moved the camera to the right of Diana.  
"Yes." He replied before taking a drink of his water.  
"What about you B?" He moved the camera to the left of Diana.  
"Hnn.” Bruce took a bite of his hamburger.  
"Tim?" He quickly turned the camera to the other side of the table.  
".....I'll miss the chilindrinas." He commented as he ate another fry.  
"Preach!" Barbra agreed as she sipped at her water.  
"Cassy?"  
Cassandra smiled, actually considering the question.  
"I'll miss the alcoholic beverages now that I think about it." Jason barged in. "And the buñuelos."  
Cassandra nodded, agreeing.  
"Well, I'm gonna miss the sense of normalcy we have right now, as a family." Dick confessed to the camera, to which about everyone snorted. 

Airportttttt   
”So we now have to go through an airport to get to the jet, because they don’t have the same procedures with private jets as Gotham, so we have to go through regular security.” Dick commented as he sighed and looked straight at the camera.  
“Not anymore.” TIm commented as he quietly came into frame.  
“Mmm what?’ Dick looked at the sleep deprived teen.  
“Guess who got us passes?” Tim stated as he looked back at his phone.  
“How the hell did you get one?”  
“See we just don’t abuse the power that comes with being a Wayne enough.” Jason barged into the camera as he drank his water bottle obnoxiously.  
Damian scoffed in the background, “Todd, you don’t even have the Wayne last name.”  
Jason stopped drinking his water and looked at Damian outside of the camera frame. “Well whoopty fucking do, holy shit this is news.”  
Dick shook his head and sighed, and ended the video. 

Sameeeeeee   
Dick was zooming into Tim, who was passed the fuck out across from him on the jet. He was breathing loudly and drooling. 

Boyfriend goalz   
Dick was walking out the jet. "So Jason told him that we we gonna be here by 5, and Roy came to greet him out the jet and into Gotham." He explain as he walked over to the couple.  
"Hey Roy!" Dick greeted as Roy noticed Dick was around.  
"Hey Dick! How was your trip?" Roy asked as he wrapped an arm around Jason.  
"Amazing! How was your little trip from Star City to Gotham?" Dick asked.  
"Great. I just wanted to see Jason after his little adventure in Mexico City." Roy explained as he looked at Jason.  
Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Possessive bastard."  
"Love you too." Roy replied as he kissed Jason. 

K then   
Dick was about to say something when Classical music blasted through.  
"AY! DAMIAN, SHUT YO BITCH ASS UP!" Jason yelled, and Dick laughed and ended the video. 

Dork   
Wally as laying next to him on Dick's bed, kissing Dick's cheek. 

What happens after a trip….   
It was the foyer of the Wayne manor. It had 9 suitcases on the floor, a few opened with several articles of clothing taken out.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Kudos and comments are always appreciated!**  
>  As always, thank you so much for reading, have a great day and hopefully I made yours, and peace out!  
> -Apple


End file.
